Over the years, there is a concept that keeps coming up in every confrontation, dysfunctional, and otherwise less than optimal situations that I encounter – trust. That means it is a fundamental. Something that we need to always have at the front of our mind.
But “trust” seems so fluffy. How do you make sense of it? It’s one of those words that we all “know” but when asked to describe in a meaningful way, we typically struggle.
I had the pleasure of meeting Jan Hill. She was facilitating a learning experience for a team of which I was a member. In the course work that she was guiding us through, we came on the topic of trust. She said something that I thought was very profound. She turned trust into a math equation:
Trust = (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy)/Social Orientation
If you think about it, these are the factors that you consider, maybe at an subconscious level, when determining how much trust you are willing to put into a person. Let’s look at each term briefly.
Credibility – do you believe this person knows what s/he is talking about? Does the person have the credentials or experiences to back the talk? Or is it all a bunch of buffalo? The ore credibility you estimate a person to have, the more trust you are willing to extend to them, at least in that subject area.
Reliability – Does this person follow through? The person that agrees to deadlines but never follows through and meets those deadlines, we tend not to trust. The more I can depend on you, the more likely I am to trust you. If I can’t put any faith in what you commit to, how could I trust you?
Intimacy – I thought this was an interesting one: intimacy. How close are we? Knowing you very closely versus I just met you definitely has an impact on how much trust I will extend to you. And not just that. Intimacy goes to a whole new level. For example, say I have two friends, both of whom I have known since high school. But one of them I’ve shared deeper experiences with and have recieved the same. Most likely, I will give a lot more trust to that person because there is more intimacy between us. This also factors in to how we tend to trust people that are “just like me”. I once took a course presented by Dr. James Whittaker (if you get the opportunity to ever see one of his presentations it is an absolute MUST!) Among the million other hits-out-of-the-ballpark that he made, he touched on this point. Lecturers on presenting will advise you to make points to “connect” to the audience so they feel like you are one of them, which has a lot of validity to it. But, James made one key distinction. Be GENUINE. If you contrive your stories and points of connection in order to be seen as a “nice guy” then you will only connect with other “nice guys”. I find it ironic how many people use the word “authentic” that make my skin crawl. They aren’t authentic. They are contrived. You have to be BRAVE to be authentic in front of a large audience – but that’s a topic for another blog.
Social Orientation – This was the mystery factor. What is social orientation? It’s the why. Why are you doing this? If you know someone is doing an action of taking a stand because they think it will get them further in their career, you will trust them less (or not at all). Whereas the person that takes a stand because they truly believe in something, or that it is the right thing to do, even if you don;t agree with the stance, we tend to respect, admire and trust that person more.
Of course, as with any decent model, there are tons of exceptions to the “rules”. This model isn’t meant to be taken as 100% solid and unquestionable. But it does give us some very good insight into some of the thought that goes into trust. And it’s simple. I thought this was brilliant and wanted to share.
Thanks Jan!!
